Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
