I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I deserve this hangover.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
