Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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