Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
