She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
