I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
