I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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