I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
