remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
