It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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