just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
