His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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