So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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