A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
