All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
