I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
