I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
