I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
