Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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