Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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