I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
