Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize