Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
