I am in a vortex of obligation.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
