I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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