quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Boobs speak an international language.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
