So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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