Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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