eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
