I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize