your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
