Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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