She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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