someone threw a dead crab at me
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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