Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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