Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
