things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
