remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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