I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
