What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
