She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
