No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
