He told me they were just razor bumps!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
