If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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