i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
