you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i need some magic done to my vagina
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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