my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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