Your tits are I can't wait for
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
