I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize