he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
