College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
