someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
