I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize