I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
