i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
