I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
