he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
