I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
