she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
