Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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