Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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