I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
