it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
