i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
