my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
