do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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