Why is your signature on my underwear?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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