omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
