she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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