be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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