I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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