you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
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