i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
