STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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