saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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